"Hey guys. Remember me? Star of popular movies such as Demolition University, Busted, Fever Lake, and Without Malice? What? You don't remember these? It's probably because I filed for bankruptcy in 1997, so these titles were "STD"! [straight to DVD] I don't actually have an STD. hah-hah! Wouldn't that be funny. May as well have one; my life sucks. Hey wait, did you see my poster? I am going to rip the entertainment industry a new one. Literally, a 'new' one. Did you see Lucas? That was cool. Holy cow, Charlie Sheen is cool. And Winona Ryder. So cool. It was pretty cool that I got to work with them at such a young age. Winona gave me my first joint, then Charlie worked me up to bumps of coke, then well, you know what happened after that! By the way drugs aren't cool I had a stroke. So will you hire me? HAVE YOU EVEN HEARD OF LOST BOYS PART II?"